“There’s more to life than increasing its speed.” ~ Mahatma Gandhi
I recently realized that I have a preference to rush through things. Especially, mundane tasks where I don’t see a huge return or value, or when I am doing something for myself.
Like when I am out getting a haircut, or shopping for myself, and it happens to take more than a half hour.
Thinking back, wondering when this might have started (yes, I had some fantastically idle time this week), went all the way back to grad school. A strange era when, on my own for the first time, I did grocery shopping or laundry (ugh!) only when absolutely necessary. Just so I didn’t “waste” precious time that could have been spent on studying and research.
The more aware I am that I do this, the more I catch myself doing it.
This evening, after making dinner, decided to do yoga to stretch my aching muscles. Went upstairs, got settled, and started my warm-up exercises. First thought that crossed my mind? “I don’t have time to do 18 repetitions of the warm-ups like they do in yoga class, so I am just going to do 5 repetitions.” I heard this chatter and found myself wondering “why?” Dinner was ready, N wasn’t back home from work, Amma was reading, little N and her friends were working on a group project in our living room, and little A was doing her math homework at our kitchen table. Who in the world was looking for me, and why did I feel like I didn’t have enough time for yoga?
Within a couple of hours, caught myself feeling the same thing again. I was putting away the laundry upstairs, when I felt like I had to finish quickly and go downstairs, like something or someone needed my immediate attention. When in fact, N and little A were playing a game of chess, Amma was still reading, and little N’s was in the middle of a violin lesson with her teacher. I was not even on anyone’s radar.
So, WTF is this, this thing in me that’s urging me to go quicker, and get on with the next thing? I know that there’s no getting to the end of that to-do list. Ever. So what gives?
Hmmmm…. something to think about, huh?