I have, over the past couple of years, subconsciously acquired the habit of looking at dates closely. At work – whether I am reading reports, old emails, or processing invoices – when I see a document dated from either 2010 or 2011, my first thought is always “Oh, Appa was still healthy then”, or “Appa was in the hospital on this date”, or “Appa was no longer with us by this time”.
Without fail, the mind takes a little detour. Just from looking at a date. The span from Appa’s illness to passing – November to March – is an especially difficult time of the year for me. Hard to believe it’s been two years. Time, sure, is a healer. But what you reach with the passage of time, I think, is a different equilibrium. Because when you lose someone dear to you, you lose a part of yourself, and there’s really no going back to how things were.
And that’s the way the cookie crumbles.